How many of you have been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person? Yes, this is what a dismissive avoidant attachment style is. It has nothing to do with the relationship but only with the person.
You know, when we think that something is going to hurt us, there are chances that we will try our best to avoid it. This is what happens to people who have a dismissive avoidant attachment style.
Similar to the fearful avoidant attachment style and the anxious preoccupied attachment style, it affects relationships adversely.
I’m not saying that they are heartless, but yes, they avoid most of the problems in the relationship. So, is it only about avoiding problems and nothing else? No, no, there is more to it.
Before we jump into that, I want to make it clear that not each person with a dismissive avoidant attachment style has gone through something.
It might be just the way they are. Sometimes, a person who prioritizes everything over you might appear to have a dismissive avoidant attachment style while the reality is something else.
So, how can someone recognize this? And is it normal? Yes, this kind of attachment style is absolutely normal. I‘m not saying that everybody has it, but yes, it is common.
So, who has this kind of attachment style? A person who has been neglected by their parents is mostly likely to develop this kind of attachment style.
When I say neglected, it does not mean that they have been bullied or abused. What it actually means is that their emotional needs were neglected.
Their parents didn’t pay much attention to their needs. Therefore, this avoidance became normal for them.
Now, let’s talk about the signs in greater detail.
1. Hyper Independence
Being independent is good, but being hyper-independent is not good at all. Rather, it is very bad. If you don’t want to ask anyone for help, you are actually unable to ask for help.
You might not agree, but you cannot do everything in this world all by yourself. Humans are social animals, and we need help. Seeking help is not being weak.
Are you able to relate? So, if you also think that you or your partner never really talk about their problem or even if they do, they never ask for solutions and try to do everything on their own, it is probably because they have a dismissive avoidant attachment style.
It happens because their parents didn’t meet their needs, and they were left or forced to do most of the things on their own.
You know, I have seen parents saying things like strong people don’t cry or don’t ask for help. They can do everything alone. This kind of thing also leads to hyper-independence in adults.
So, next time your partner acts like this, remind them that you are there with them and it is absolutely fine to do things together rather than managing it all alone.
2. Avoiding Conflicts
Avoiding conflicts is one of the most prominent things that they can do. But the question arises why?
People with a dismissive avoidant attachment style just hate inconvenience. See, relationships come with problems. There will be fights, arguments, etc.
All you need to do is have a healthy and respectful argument, but this kind of person doesn’t like arguing and thinks that it is better to avoid such things.
Now, have you understood why your man is emotionally unavailable? It is simple. They were born this way.
Haha, I’m sounding like Lady Gaga. Anyways, where was I? Yes, as their parents avoided their needs and wants when they were children, they are likely to repeat the same thing in their romantic relationships.
So, what to do in such situations? You cannot make them understand in this way. I dated a guy like this. Unfortunately, it didn’t last, but my friend suggested that we should go for couple counseling.
Talking would not help because they would not listen.
3. Lack of Vulnerability
It is very important to be vulnerable in relationships. If you do not let your guard down, nothing positive will happen.
I know you have developed this mechanism to protect yourself from being hurt. But not expressing yourself is also hurting yourself.
People with this type of attachment style fear abandonment. That’s why they think that being vulnerable is being weak and inviting heartbreak.
I know you will meet a lot of people like this but trust me, it is not their fault. They are just protecting themselves. This tendency goes away eventually just keep trying and make them feel safe.
4. Escapism
Escapism is one of the most common traits of modern men and women. Life is full of problems, and what we do is just prioritize all the problems and think that romantic problems are just extra and it is okay to avoid them.
Those who have a dismissive avoidant attachment style have this bizarre idea in mind that relationships are meant to be happy. It comes from a problematic childhood.
Their mind keeps thinking of peace, and this is the reason they avoid tough situations, sometimes hoping that it will all settle down eventually.
5. Fear of Romantic Relationships
You know it. Yes, I’m talking about those men and women who will do everything for you but not give you commitment. Why? Because they don’t trust you and themselves.
People like them have been betrayed so badly in the past that they feel it will happen again, and sometimes they manifest it in a bad way.
People with a short-term dating history might have this attachment style. As they can escape anytime, they know it is not going to last.
Ending Words
Remember, your efforts to make your relationship better is going to pay off one day. It might happen that your current relationship will not last, but the next one will be happier because you will be learning a lot in this process.
So, be it anxious attachment, or avoidant attachment, these are all patterns, not the real you. So, thrive until you make it!
